A fifi is an artificial “love box”. The term is prison slang for fleshlights. (Tramadol) Out here in the free world, opportunities for sexual gratification are endless. If you can’t have sex with real people for any particular reason, you could go to the internet and buy a fleshlight modeled on the body orifice of your favorite adult content star with a single click.
Things are different in prison. 93% of prisoners are male and upwards of 90% of them are straight. Even if you’re gay, prison offers slim and often undesirable pickings. Conjugal visits are rare and heavily restricted in the 16 countries that allow them except for Mexico. Mexico has the most permissive laws on conjugal visits anywhere on earth.
In the US for example, inmates in federal prisons are not allowed conjugal visits. As for the states, only four of them allow conjugal visits: New York, California, Connecticut, and Washington.
Even when conjugal visits are allowed, they are limited to wives and common-law partners. You get to see them maybe one weekend every month or so if you’re lucky. And you have to serve at least three months with a spotless disciplinary record before prison authorities can even consider letting you have sex six times a year.
But it’s far more likely that your partner will leave you once you go to jail. 80% of marriages result in divorce by the end of the first year that a man spends behind bars. For women, the divorce rate is closer to 100%. Statistics for girlfriends are unavailable but we expect them to follow a similar pattern.
So, if you ever find yourself using government accommodation for an extended period, you will need to get creative when dealing with your horniness. Prison authorities may not issue you with enough lotion to properly lubricate your hand.
Contents
Contents
How to make a prison fifi
Making a fifi in prison is all about using the materials available to you as an inmate: plastic bags, socks, sponges, water, Ziploc bags, gloves, and your hands. You can also make one at home for fun.
How to make a fifi with a plastic bag
What you’ll need:
- Plastic trash bag
- Warm water (cold water is a boner killer. Avoid it like the plague.)
Procedure:
- Tie a knot on the bottom of the trash bag.
- Let some water in, about a quarter of the capacity or less. That’s your first compartment.
- Squeeze the air out and knot the first compartment.
- Let some water into the second compartment, squeeze the air out, and knot again.
- You should have two roughly spherical water-filled compartments, separated by knots. Tie the two opposite ends together, squeezing the two water-filled compartments together and forming a shape resembling two butt cheeks.
- Enjoy.
How to make a fifi with sponges
You’ll need:
- A plastic bottle or a Pringles can
- At least two sponges
- A latex glove or small plastic bag.
- Some lube, vaseline, lotion, or baby oil.
- Rubber bands or tape
Procedure:
- Cut the bottle at the taper.
- Insert the sponges into the bottle and arrange them to leave a small gap in the middle.
- Insert the latex glove into the hole between the sponges and leave the cuff hanging out.
- Roll the cuff over the edge of the bottle and secure it with a rubber band or tape.
- Lubricate the opening to avoid friction burns and bruises.
- Enjoy.
- Once you’re done, you can change out the glove or plastic bag and reuse the fifi.
How to make a fifi with a glove
You’ll need:
- A latex glove
- A plastic straw or any other small hollow tube
Procedure:
- Knot the little finger.
- Pull the middle finger into the glove.
- Knot the middle finger and cuff tightly.
- Cut the ring finger open. You can use scissors at home but you may have to rely on teeth in prison.
- Blow into the glove with a straw through the ring finger until firm.
- Knot the tightly.
- Knot the index finger and thumb together, splitting the balloon glove into two.
- Find the hole left by the inward-facing middle finger and enjoy.
- Rinse and repeat.
How to make a fifi with socks and a towel
You’ll need:
- A sock
- A towel
- A latex glove or small plastic bag.
- Some lube, vaseline, lotion, or baby oil.
Procedure:
- Fold the towel in half. If it’s a large towel, fold the folded half in half again to form a quarter.
- Place the latex glove or plastic bag on the towel with the cuff hanging off the edge. Leave about two or three inches.
- Roll the towel tightly to form a cylindrical shape.
- Roll the cuff of the glove/bag onto the edges.
- Secure the towel’s shape by fitting it into a sock. You can also use tape or anything else that would prevent the towel from unrolling while in use.
- Put some lube into the opening.
- Enjoy.
- Change out the glove, plastic bag, rinse and repeat.