What Do You Call a Dog With No Legs
Whatever you want, because it ain’t going to come. Because how can it? It does not matter what you call him, it is not coming. Some may even say that it would be right where you left it. This theory applies to all dogs, not just to Pomeranians, German Shepards, Border Collies, Dashunds, Yorkshire Terriers, Poodles, Huskies, or Corgis. The list can go on and on. There are no breed exceptions for calling a dog with no legs. Even imaginary dogs are no exception, I believe. In theory, this joke is humorous because of the punchline. However, the actuality of seeing a dog without legs is not something anyone would find funny, unless they are sick in the head. Let us explore this dad joke in depth, why don’t we?
A Dog with Legs
Think about it—a dog that has legs has full and complete mobility. There is literally no place a canine can not go if all its legs are in working order, just like humans (except we have only two legs). It can jump over the backyard fence, use its hind legs to see if there’s any food left on the countertop, play frisbee, cuddle with you in bed, sniff another dog’s private parts, run on the beach, swim, and jump into the bed or sofa for some well-deserved comfy rest. If a dog has three legs, it can still perhaps be able to do the aforementioned activities with some degree of difficulty. Maybe a hobble here and there. If a dog has two legs, it’s function is halved from a dog with four legs. But it would at least be able to stand up on its hind legs or drag itself across the floor, assuming the two legs that are missing are either its front legs or its back legs. If one were to suppose if a dog is missing one front and one back leg it would somehow be able to stand on its own? If a dog has one leg, how can it find the support to stand on its own? It probably would need some support to get by. And if a dog has no legs, well then, what can it do?
A Dog without Legs
An unfortunate circumstance, but yes, sometimes there are dogs without legs. What do you call a dog with brass balls and no hind legs? Sparky (ha! Another lame dad joke) Either by birth or by accident, these things do happen—I’d hate to think of other reasons why a dog would have no legs. When that is the case, a dog without legs has absolutely no way to move. It cannot run, skip, jump, skate, stand, or even get around. When you call for it, how will it be able to run to you? Fortunately, with modern medicine and technology, a literal dog with no legs can live a meaningful life. Maybe in the near future, humanity would be able to invent an electric wheelchair for dogs that’s powered by their mind. I mean, we are almost there with human technology so why not adapt it for dogs with no legs? In the meantime, a dog without legs will just simply will not be able to get to you even if it tried to.
All jokes aside, this is a type of joke that our modern culture refers to as a “dad joke.” A dad joke is basically a non-offensive joke that usually has a predictable punchline or play on words (also known as a pun) and is cringey or corny in nature. If you think about it, why is it called a dad joke, not a kid joke, not a teenage joke, or any other type of demographic? Why a dad specifically? You must think of the nature of being a dad. You have a kid, or two, or three… or maybe more. And sometimes a family but it is not guaranteed. But nonetheless, the role of a father is to protect their kids, and as such they can only tell safe and harmless jokes (if they are a good parent, that is). As well intentioned as a dad joke may be, ultimately a good majority of the time it always comes off as being cringey. Cringey, as in making you want to roll your eyes because the joke is that lame. The feeling is similar to how your mom embarrasses you when she drops you off and picks you up from school (remember that feeling?). However, we can also look at this dad joke from another perspective—were there any dogs that were actually hurt in the process? Absolutely not. Maybe it has even encouraged you to get a dog. It’s a win-win situation, don’t you agree?